05/02/2009 - The Cougar - In The Beginning

(My kindergarten photo)

When I started school, we lived in an apartment close enough to school that I was a walker. My mother once told me, that everyday she would see me walking home with different boys who would carry my books. Some of these little boys would go out of their way to walk with me.

In kindergarten, 1st grade and 2nd grade, I can remember one little boy who had a mad crush on me. We will call him FF. We were in the same grades, but he was a few months older than me. Now mind you, I could give a hoot back then, romantically, about the opposite sex. I figured they where as good for playing ball, cowboys and indians, climbing trees, playing in the mud and eating ants, as I was. But little FF would do anything for me, and always wanted to be by my side at school. He was very memorable because of his persistance to win my heart and he and made no bones about it. The second half of the 2nd grade, my parents moved us to a farm house they had purchased in the next town. We were transferred to another school, but I never forgot little FF.

By the time 6th grade rolled around, a larger school was built in my town, and other towns consolodated with us. We now had a lot more students going to grade school, Jr High and our brand spankin' new High school. Well, low and behold, FF lived in one of those "other" towns. We where now schoolmates again. I remembered him for sure, but somehow I don't think he remembered me. At least that's the impression I got. He showed no semblance of recognizing me. The tides where now turned. I had developed a crush on him and it would continue until my Freshman year.

(Going through my "ugly" stage at 14 years)

Throughout those years between 6th grade and my freshman year, FF and his closest cronies would taunt and tease me. He had changed. He had become a bully. He was no longer the sweet Little FF I remembered from days gone by, and I was no longer the outgoing social butterfly I had once been, in my earlier years at school. So many negative things had happened in my personal life, and I had become insecure and shy. I was more so around FF. I felt so slighted by him, for my remaining years as his classmate.

(I'm the blonde on the right at 16.5 years)

Because of my shyness, I never told FF how I felt, or even asked him if he had remembered me. I only know I was devistated by my first crush. I truly believe that this was one of the main catalists which started me down the road to becoming a Crazy Cougar.

Other catalysts where my first love, RF who was also the irresponsible runaway daddy of my 1st born, and my first husband, CB the ultimate abuser. RF will from hereon be known as The Irresponsible Runaway Daddy or TIRD, and HB will be known as the Greatest Abusive Guy or GAG. The initials seem to fit each. More about them later....